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Surrendering it​ all.

What a concept… to surrender it all.

I think of what it entails for me personally and if I am being really honest… it’s everything.

There’s so much I’ve half-heartedly given to God and it sucks knowing I could do more.

How do I die to the flesh?

Have I not been a good keeper of my testimony?

I know I could have done more to protect certain aspects of it.

I think of my addictions and how at times I have stumbled.

The reality is I believed the lies I recited to myself over and over again.

Not realizing I was on a roundabout road.

Some of the lies I believed were:

It’s only one hit, It won’t get me high.

Or it’s only one more cigarette or one more drink.

Or one more night, or one more day.

Or even one more meal.

I think of all these choices I’ve made with my life.

Honestly, I’d be a bigger mess if it wasn’t for His grace.

I am not saying His grace allows me to draw near to sin or even dance with it, but I am saying His grace really can bring us away from the sin that entangles us.

His grace has the power to break lifelong chains.

Have I been receiving His grace with the wrong mentality?

Is that what we as believers get wrong in our walks?

Is that what keeps us from being one with the spirit?

Is that what keeps us from living in true freedom?

I’ve asked a lot of questions for sure but in order to surrender we need to see how we fall.

Sometimes that means asking a lot of questions.

I don’t have it all figured out but I have the mentality of learning from my mistakes so here goes my approach.

Step 1: Ask Questions

When surrendering we need to ask questions as to what makes us fall? Why do we fall? Why do we keep falling? Why is that we aren’t making the changes necessary for a true breakthrough? What’s holding us back.

I believe that we also need to know what our breakthrough looks like… Like what are we expecting our breakthrough to look like?

The reason for expecting is it keeps us our eye on the prize.

Step 1 is super important in the aspect of reflecting with God allows Him to show us. Once he shows us we have the ability to ask Him for help.

I believe sometimes we know which direction to take but give in because it’s easier than putting one foot in front of the other.

Which leads me to step 2… come up with a solution. (Lesson learned: the solution never only has one variable)

Step 2 requires action. Once we ask these questions we need to have a plan. It’s simple but we miss the main ingredient to any significant change. As a result of missing the main ingredient we most often times find ourself back to step 1.

We need to have faith.

Our faith can start small but needs to grow with our testimony.

Faith grows through perseverance.

Prayer is a way of inviting God into your problem.

Pray consistently.

One and done is not the way when dying to the flesh.

We constantly need to be grounded.

Step 3 travel lightly.

God gave us grace for a reason. Referring back to the beginning I am not saying that we should abuse the gift given to us. However, we should understand that accepting grace allows us to let go of past hurt, pain, shame, and so much more (think about what it lets you let go of and why you might need it when surrendering it all.)

Step 4 pray without ceasing.

Honestly, one of my biggest realizations is that some sins entangled us in a way that we might not even realize that it’s sin.

So let’s keep this in mind: anything that tries keeps us from God needs to be prayed about.

This isn’t only things that we do but also ways of thinking.

Thoughts can become actions if we are left unguarded.

Our last step combines all the previous steps together.

Step 5: fight with the authority

Authority is only given to us if we are aligned with God’s will.

I think it’s important to understand that we constantly need to keep fighting.

The enemy is always at work.

What matters most in the world that we have a heart so after God…we can’t stop fighting.

Do not be discouraged.

My prayer for us is that we keep searching for a deeper more intimate relationship with God.

That surrendering it all be a lifestyle, not just a phase.

I hope this helps you in your journey.

Shalom, my friends.

 

Rediscovering Truth

IMG_1001If we are being honest, the truth isn’t always something easy to unveil.

One of the main lies I believed most of my life was that I was never enough.

Until today God is still helping me discover where those lies reside.

Hmm. The reality is that OUR God brings light into the darkness.

He is able to see what we can not.

I had an encounter with my campus pastors recently.

It wasn’t planned for either of us.

But I am sure it was a godsend.

I’ve been carrying this weight on me since I was five years old.

It’s a heavyweight but it led me to believe that I will never be enough or deserve anything more than to be used.

Since I was five years old I sexually molested by different people some close and some without a face.

I wanted desperately for my voice to matter but the reality was when I spoke up it felt as if no one was listening.

I remained silent and afraid. Allowing people to narrate my story.

Talking about the clothes I was wearing dictating the way I was mistreated.

It brings tears to my eyes knowing how I was treated by not only my perpetrator but by the people who questioned me.

They lacked compassion and ability to empathize.

They placed blame so heavy that my heart sank and voice became silent.

My close friend describes this as the darkest state of my life.

I wish I could say it only lasted for a minute but for an entire year, my body would cringe around any man who looked the way he did.

My heart was so heavy with all the men who didn’t respect my boundaries.

It’s no wonder when I thought of a future I couldn’t see one.

I write this not to glorify the pain but to show you the beauty of the God we serve.

My God is so patient that his grace, patience and kindness is gently leading me into love.

My pastor simply prayed over me that I, Gods daughter would embrace the new life he has for me.

I didn’t disclose any of this information to her about my experience with being taken advantage of.

But on multiple occasions, people have commented on my character because of the God in me.

I was once told the spirit of the Lord became stronger when I walked into the room.

In my dismay, I felt alone but I really wasn’t.

I get this image of looking at our circumstances and being so discouraged.

Well our God is looking and work at the most vital part of who we are.

God was working on my heart so that in the long run I wouldn’t be discouraged.

I remember when I was told that the spirit of the Lord became stronger when I walked into the room.

I cried because I felt his protection even though things outwardly didn’t seem pleasant my heart still belongs to him.

We all have something we are meant to rediscover.

The reality is that our God never leaves us.

When we look outside at external he is looking at internals because he knows that matters.

Isaiah 40:31 … But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear. for I am with you; do not be dismayed, For I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I love how in the two scriptures mentioned above the Lord is looking at renewing strength. Because we aren’t mean to grow weary or to live in fear.

Sometimes when bad things happen we look at the outside and focus on only that. When we rediscover truth it’s allowing God to bring peace and clarity to your identity.

You see I was never alone. But I believed it.

I was never afraid but I believed that too.

Today God has redefined and is defining my every step and thought.

I do see a future now, but in order for me to see that I had to give God access.

My Prayer myself and others is that even though life isn’t always great our God is. I pray that we let him in more and more so that he can heal and restore. Every part that feels broken and unloveable. My prayer is that we as a God seeking generation seek God underneath it all and through it. I love you God and I trust you even when I can’t see what you are doing. And for whoever reads this I pray that you understand God more fully, more genuinely I pray whatever lie you believe that God brings LIGHT to that. That chains be broken and hearts be restored in the name of Jesus. Amen.

I love you guys but God loves you more.

Our emotions. His purpose. My objective

It’s interesting to see how emotions run every single one of us.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of thoughts and emotions lately.

I find it interesting that though I know how to manage my thoughts, at times they still get me.

I’ve been inviting God into those moments, because I know that what I am feeling isn’t his objective.

He’s been calling me to serve, yet I’m feeling as if I am not good enough.

It’s weird because I almost feel as if I heard someone say that I was fake.

For a minute I began to think they were talking about me.

I began to feel insecure.

The very next day I had convinced myself that another person of the group felt the same way because they walked right past me.

Like that the place I felt comfortable became the place I didn’t belong.

To be honest that hurt.

I wish I would have realized that regardless of the reality of the situation, God wants me to choose him.

I think that by overhearing a conversation that was or wasn’t intended for me. I realized the power of words, more so than before.

However I also realized that in my pain and hurt God wants me to choose him first.

I did choose him in this situation but after two days of being in my feelings.

If I’d choose God first more, things would change.

My emotions wouldn’t run me but God would.

He takes my emotions and experiences and gives them purpose.

In 1 Peter 1 exiles had be chosen to be used by God. They endured a lot. They were given something new and good. God didn’t go and erase what they had gone through but he gave what they have gone through a purpose. Their purpose was to show how good God is in the mist of those trials.

What we go through in life is about ups and downs. But there is something beautiful about God being in both parts. I have fallen before and not realized that he is everywhere so the rebuilding process looked a lot like me struggling to get back up. While getting up with God is like having a really good friend there to listen and help you make sense of things.

Though people may lose it all at times.It is good to know that God is with us. He rebuilds, and restores.

I reflected on that a few days ago no matter how big the trial or how small it may seem choose God first and he will guide you through the trial.

Prayer:

Dear God, thank you for staying by side until I was able to see that were there waiting for me to choose you first. Thank you being patient as I learn to seek you everyday. The new you are giving me is beautiful God I am not sure I would be able to live without it. I pray that I just continue to constantly seek you in everything that is good and everything that is bad. I love you, amen.