Sober

There’s a lot of things people don’t tell you about sobriety.

I commend Demi Lovato for being so open about her substance use and mental health.

As a blogger who touches on mental health and self-love, I look up to her.

Notice I said look up not looked up.

Her recent lose of sobriety weighs heavy on my heart for many different reasons.

I understand how hard it is to be in that place, but before she was in that place she was in the between.

The in between is a place that I think people fail to understand.

In the mental health world we call it recovery.

When I was younger, I used to think recovery was strictly related to drug use.

My fathers history with substance use lead me to believe that.

Well, I was wrong!

As I grew older I realized recovery was defined by the person using the word.

Each person’s journey is unique.

For me recovery is constant.

It’s a need to be my authentic self, the need to control my ways that aren’t particularly healthy for me such as self-harming, drug use, and negative thoughts.

For me recovery is being aware of my signs and triggers and doing my best to prevent them from happening.

I identify with Demi’s journey.

I know what its like to have this light shine on you that expects you to do so well.

I noticed one thing about that light though, I was the one shining it.

I wanted to do well for others, and its okay to care for others enough to do it for them but do it for yourself.

It’s not to say the light isn’t right, but the light keeps you from asking for help (most of the time).

When we do it for other it could be hard to talk about the struggles recovery entails.

Asking for help is so advocated within mental health community, yet so many of us struggle to do so.

In a group the other day I asked my clients why is that though we know we should ask for help, yet we don’t.

The clinician wrote one word on the board and it was vulnerability.

I have to agree with her and add to that.

Opening up and asking for help is hard and it does make us vulnerable.

I get it its scary, I’ve been in that place where I open up to a friend only for them to care for that moment.

I appreciate that moment, but there’s so much more to it than that.

Don’t hate me for this but when you continue to go down the same cycle knowing it’s wrong for you, you need to work on you.

Somewhere down there in the there you don’t let anyone see is a version of you that scares the heck out of you.

For so many of us it’s the us thats not enough.

let that resinate.

It’s the us that doesn’t feel good enough, the us that doesn’t feel worth it.

The us that’s scared that if we do well, it still won’t be enough.

If that’s you work on it, and don’t work on it on the surface.

The surface is fake.

Go below the surface to the place that made you believe that you were less than, that you weren’t worth it, or that you weren’t enough. Once you get there take back what they took from you.

Old habits die hard, but they die nonetheless.

Recovery is hard regardless of what is it you are going through. Stay Strong,

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s